im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
