just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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