Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Green mimosas i think yes
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
