I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
