I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
