My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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