totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
