There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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