Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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