To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
