What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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