Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
