The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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