This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
