I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
as a side note pls kill me
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