How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
