Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize