i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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