Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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