dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
