I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
