miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
