alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
