i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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