Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
