i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
