Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
