im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
