we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
