I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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