Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
