it hurts more in the daytime
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
