I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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