I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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