Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
