dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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