If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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