I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize