Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i think i just lost a toe
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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