Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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