Your dad touched me again.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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