with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
