There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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