Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize