New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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