She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
