Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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