If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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