You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
