My balls are so social today.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
