OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
