I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
