I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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