My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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