i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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