How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
