you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
