I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
