Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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