i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
