Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
