I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize