i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
two words: eviction party
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
