At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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