So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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